My Pregnancy Story

With just two weeks (or so) left in my pregnancy I thought I'd take a minute to reflect back on the last nine and half months. Finding out we were pregnant was one of the most incredible moments of my life. I'll never forget that rush of pure emotion and adrenalin. I knew I'd been feeling off for over a week when it finally dawned on me that I might be pregnant. When I'd purchased the pregnancy test I spent what felt like hours staring at the various kits trying to decide which one I should get and wondering if I should buy just one or get the two pack. It was such an odd experience - I had this really strange mixture of guilt and excitement, which I imagine would be similar to what a guy must feel like the first time he buys condoms. I wondered if the cashier would say anything to me when she rang through my purchase (she didn't but I still felt my cheeks grow hot). Even with the symptoms I tried to not get too worked up when I took the test but that quickly failed. My knees and hands were shaking. Then the positive result appeared and I had to wait until my husband got out of the shower to tell him. I ran a hundred scenarios through my head of what to say but in the end just said it - I'm pregnant.

The next few weeks were like being in a dream (cliché maybe but true). Knowing that something special was happening but wanting to still keep some emotional distance until we hit that twelve week mark. We remained cautiously optimistic, went to our doctor's appointments, and counted down the weeks then days until we felt it was ok to share the news with our families (although my husband did spill the beans to a couple of people one late night out...). I'll never forget hearing the heartbeat, so strong, that first time...

The first trimester did go well. It was a mixture of nausea and exhaustion but really nothing I feel I can complain about compared to some of the brutal sickness some of my friends and family have experienced. I was still able to eat but didn't put on any weight. I was so tired but mostly because I was working full time and teaching a night course twice a week for three hours and doing landscaping every weekend. But keeping busy was good.

We threw a big backyard BBQ to tell our families. Part of me wishes we could have come up with a more exciting way to tell everyone with some sort of big reveal but ultimately it didn't matter - hearing the exclamations of happiness, getting all the hugs, seeing all the eyes shiny with tears of joy really made it a special day.

Our next major event was the ultrasound. It was so incredible to see all the little developing bones. I have no words to describe what it was like when the technician switched over to the live view and we got to watch the baby, affectionately called "Itty" as in Itty Bitty baby, move and breathe and suck its thumb. Pure magic.

The second trimester was really great. I ate like crazy and felt good. My belly grew and yet for the first time in my life I loved my body. I was still working full time and teaching a class during the day but again had nothing to complain about. Actually my skin has sucked the whole pregnancy, and my hair never got that luscious texture, but these are so minor in the grand scheme of things.

Unfortunately I did "fail" the dreaded glucose tolerance test and the fasting one as well around 26 weeks. I don't have full blown gestational diabetes but have its precursor of glucose intolerance. I've had to test my blood sugars four times daily and follow the gestational diabetes diet and snack plan. My goal was to stay off of insulin and to keep myself and Itty healthy. Luckily through watching my diet and by walking after every meal I've managed to stay off the insulin as I wanted to avoid having too big of a baby or to try to avoid having to be induced or even have a c-section (chance of these happening increases significantly once you go on insulin).

Dealing with the glucose intolerance was still a tough mental and emotional situation for me to work through. Initially I felt like I failed myself and my baby. I agonized over every food decision I'd made up until that point. I recognize now that this is just the way I'm built (and actually I may be glucose intolerant period) but it took some time to work through it. Sometimes the responsibility of caring for and doing right by this little one inside can be overwhelming.

Having to go to the metabolic clinic in addition to my doctor's appointments has been tiring at times. I've spent so much time spent waiting to be seen but it's been a good way to get some extra reading in. Luckily my workplace has been extremely accommodating (they even threw me a lovely surprise shower!) so I've had little stress or worry from that end.

Now we are in the home stretch. Itty is doing great and seems to be running out of room even though my doctor says he/she is a little small (just under the 50% percentile but perfectly healthy). I still monitor my blood sugar levels just to ensure that Itty doesn't have a sugar crash at birth, but have been discharged from going to the clinic. I'll need to go do a glucose tolerance test in 2-6 months to see if I am actually glucose intolerant or if it was just brought on by the pregnancy. I'm physically tired but emotionally content. I've been nesting like crazy but am already starting to miss being able to get a solid night's sleep.

I'll miss feeling Itty moving around, even the hiccups that wake me in the wee hours of the night. I'll miss loving the changes in my body and am not looking forward to my post-pregnancy body. But I'll have Itty to hold in my arms. We can't wait to find out who our little one is. We didn't want to find out the sex so are eager to see if we have a son or a daughter. Hopefully we'll have settled on some names by then. In just a few weeks I'll be able to share my birth story, and introduce you to our Itty.

Biittner's Book (& Movie) Review: Les Miserables by Victor Hugo

Our January book club read was Les Miserables by Victor Hugo. We deliberately timed it so we could read it over December and then go see the new feature film. First, the book...

I must admit getting through the book was a little bit of a struggle for me (I read the unabridged version). This was mostly because of all the sidetracking or contextualizing Hugo does; there are pages and pages of descriptions of neighbourhoods or battles or people that are only marginally connected with the main story line. Now I'm sure some would argue this makes the story, that this is what makes Les Miserables a piece of literary history, but in my opinion it is all this extraneous description that makes the book a difficult read. That said, the storyline glorified on screen and on stage as "Les Mis" is excellent, and Hugo's detailed descriptions of the characters and their back-stories is what makes Les Miserables great. I found myself hurrying through the extras to get back to the main story. I really liked the following the interweaving lives of the characters over time. I would recommend this book but suggest that most readers stick to the abridged version.

Now for the film...with a confession...

I have never seen Les Mis on stage. It's not because I haven't wanted to; I've just never gone. I love musical theatre. I love going to see plays and performances. So when I went to the film I only had the book for context and was only familiar with some of the more famous songs from the soundtrack. Honestly I am a little lukewarm on the film. Some parts were fantastic - I loved the sets and costumes (especially the "ladies of the nights" with all their scabs and sores). I hated all the close ups when the leads were singing; I loved the ensemble cast numbers. I liked Hugh Jackman at the beginning of the film but grew tired of him towards the end (I think he would have made a more intriguing Javert as Jean Valjean just seemed too easy for him). I think many reviewers were too hard on Russell Crowe, that he held his own for the most part. I think Anne Hathaway is over-rated; she sang a great song but her minimal screen time is not award worthy. Samantha Barks was amazing and deserves the kudos that are being sent Anne's way. Sacha Baron Cohen and Helena Bonham Carter were ridiculous and over the top and, as such, were absolutely perfect; they stole ever scene and I just adored them. The film was also too long (a current trend in Hollywood!). If you are a huge fan of Les Mis then go see the film and take your tissues.

In sum:
- Les Miserables (the book): recommended in abridged version.
- Les Miserables (the film): for fans of Les Mis and who want to see all the Oscar buzz is about.

Books Read in 2012

It's that time of the year again. Time to post all the book I've read in the past year. Some were delightful surprises, others slow slogs. As always I've included some comments and recommendations. For the first time I've linked books to the appropriate review (I reviewed all the books from our book club this year on this blog).

My grand total of books read in 2012 was 106 and I brought the total number of books read from my 501 Must Read Books list to 112.

January

• Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad 
• The Sisters Brothers by Patrick Dewitt (a great modern western, reminded me of Cormac McCarthy with a bit of an existentialist twist)
• 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami (a long, unusual novel that I actually quite enjoyed; will have to look into some more Murakami in 2013)
• Four Weird Tales by Algernon Blackwood 
• Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte (not my cup of tea but not bad either)
• The Island of Dr. Moreau by HG Wells (not his best work; check out The Time Machine instead)
• Dewey by Vicki Myron (it's about the world's most famous library cat; I bawled my eyes out reading this one; a must for cat lovers)
• The Yiddish Policeman's Union by Michael Chabon (another odd novel that I really enjoyed once I figured it out; takes some getting into so not for everyone but a worthwhile read nonetheless)
• The New World by Patrick Ness (interesting Kobo short story freebie; prequel to a YA series that I've got to check out - must add to my 2013 must read list)
• Journey to the Interior of the Earth by Jules Verne (so much geology but a great read)
• Kidnapped by R. L Stevenson (February book club selection)

February

• Varney the Vampire by Thomas Preskett Prest (it was on the 501 list; what a long slog; not recommended)
• Japanese Fairy Tales by Tei Theodora Ozaki 
• The Third Chimpanzee by Jared Diamond (I like to sneak in some mainstream science reading too; fascinating premise and a great read)
• Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy by John Le Carre (a good book but a little tough; I kept getting confused because all the characters have multiple names)
• The Tattoo Chronicles by Kat Von D (guilty pleasure read! loved it!)
• Pebble in the Sky by Isaac Asimov (I love it when anthropology and science fiction collide! a great read)
• Measuring Mother Earth by Heather Robertson (another nerd read about Tyrell; fascinating history)
• The Moonstone by Wilkie Collins (a 501 read; compelling)
• The Lock Artist by Steve Hamilton (March book club selection; definitely recommended)

March

• The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam (wonderful prose about drinking wine with friends; so lovely)
• The Jungle Book by Ruyard Kipling (forget what Disney and read this wonderful book instead)
• The Romance of Tristan and Iseult by M. Joseph Bedler
• The Abandoned by Amanda Stevens
• Heroes, Zombies, and Sausages: Orbit Sampler (Jan-Mar 2011) (another Kobo freebie; some great previews for some books I'm still meaning to check out - will have to add to 2013 must read list)
• Modelland by Tyra Banks (guilty pleasure reading #2; odd but couldn't put it down so I'd actually recommend it)
• The House of the Vampire by George Sylvester Viereck (another forgettable vampire novel; shows that people have been trying to make the genre work for ages)
• The Strange Case of Finley Jayne by Kady Cross (2012 was a great year for YA fiction; I would highly recommend this steampunk novel)
• The Last Drop by L. Ron Hubbard 
• Dead(ish) by Naomi Kramer (really bad free ebook)
• The Cyber Chronicles Book 1 by TC Southwell (another really bad free ebook)
• Zombie Nights by Tome Lichtenberg (and yet another really bad free ebook - lesson now learned)
• Around the World in 80 Days by Jules Verne (had trouble getting into this one)
• The Collected Poems of Emily Dickinson 
• Adam's Tongue by Derek Bickerton (a great nerd read examining the origin of language in humans; great accessible read about language and communication in general)
• The Ape and The Sushi Master by Frans de Waal (another great nerd read about primate behaviour)

April

• Memoirs of Sherlock Homes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (Sherlock! always a great read)
• Book of Nonsense by Edward Lear
• IT by Stephen King (it had been too long since I'd visited with this old friend so bought an ebook version so I can take it with me)
• The Return of Sherlock Homes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (more great Sherlock!)

May

• Before I Go To Sleep by SJ Watson (this was a really great read; compelling and highly recommended)
• Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk by David Sedaris (kind of silly)
• The Pursuit of Love by Nancy Mitford 
• The Blue Flower by Penelope Fitzgerald
• Behind the Beautiful Forevers by Katherin Boo (I did not realize at first that this was non-fiction; a must read!)
• The Bone Cage by Angie Abdou 
• Vendetta by Michael Dibdin
• Madam Bovary by Gustave Flaubert
• Divergent by Veronica Roth (loved this book! read it!)
• The Devil in the White City by Erik Larson (a fascinating read merging the real events surrounding the Chicago's World Fair and the serial killer who was operating at the same time; highly recommended)
• Insurgent by Veronica Roth (the sequel to Divergent; read this one too! did I mention I waited in line for like 3 hours to meet the author; can't wait for the next book and the films to come out)
• Kim by Rudyard Kipling (a more difficult read than The Jungle Book; much time is spent walking around)

June

• Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin 
• Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain (I enjoyed this and would recommend it)
• The Man Whose Teeth Were All Exactly Alike by Philip K. Dick (odd!)
• Cosmopolis by Don Delillo (another odd read; curious to see the film adaptation)
• The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain (I did not enjoy this as much as Tom Sawyer)
• The Universe by JP McEvoy (a nerd read; not recommended; really poorly written)
• The Wind Though the Keyhole by Stephen King (part of the Dark Tower series; highly recommended even as a stand alone story)
• Utopia by Thomas More (bland)
• The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman (wonderful! highly recommended! can't wait to read it to Itty some day)
• Doctor Faustus by Christopher Marlowe (a slog to get through; Dante was easier!)
• Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith (guilty pleasure read; far better than the movie!)

July

• Erewhon by Samuel Butler (interesting little read off of the 501 list)
• Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh (I enjoyed this one and would recommend it)
• King Solomon's Mines by Henry Rider Haggard (a great little adventure novel; one of our 2013 book club selections so look for a review in February)
• To Your Scattered Bodies Go by Philip Jose Farmer (I've read a lot of his stuff and decided to read this one after seeing the film adaptation "Riverworld"; the book is vastly better but a tough read; really neat concept involving a form of reincarnations as it were)
• The Fabulous Riverboat by Philip Jose Farmer (the continuation of To Your Scattered Bodies Go)
• The Josephine B Trilogy (The Many Lives and Secret Sorrows of Josephine B; Tales of Passion, Tales of Woe; The Last Great Dance on Earth)  by Sandra Gulland (highly recommended)
• Brain Wave by Poul Anderson (worth reading if you are into science fiction)

August

• Jacob Two Two and the Hooded Fang by Mordecai Richler (how did I not read this as a child; highly recommended)
• The Martian Chronicles by Ray Bradbury (a scifi classic and a must read!)
• The Colour of Magic by Terry Prattchet (an absolute mess; avoid)
• A Canticle by Leibowitz by Walter M. Miller Jr.
• The Walking Dead: Rise of the Governor by Robert Kirkman and Jay Bonansinga (a must read for fans of the graphic novels and tv show)
• Feed by Mira Grant (really great Zombie novel! highly recommended)
• Three Men in a Boat (To Say Nothing of the Dog) by Jerome Jerome

September

• Deadline by Mira Grant (book 2 in series; not as good as first but still worth reading)
• Blackout by Mira Grant (book 3 in series; also not as good as first; a fairly unsatisfying resolution)
• The Weirdstone of Brisngamon by Alan Garner (501 selection from a kids series; I'll be checking out other books from this series in 2013)
• At the Back of the Northwind by George MacDonald (super long poetry sections but a great, melancholic little read)
• Falling Backwards by Jann Arden
• My Left Foot by Christy Brown
• The Bloody Chamber by Angela Carter (great little short story with a classic gothic horror feel)
• The Tin Drum by Gunter Grass (a 501 read; hard to get into but a very interesting story)

October

• The Neverending Story by Michael Ende (it is always interesting to read a book when you know the movie so well; the book is fantastic in so many ways and goes much beyond what the movie actually covers; highly recommended)
• Sophie's World by Jostein Gaarder (a wonderful introduction to Philosophy; highly recommended)
• I Am Legend by Richard Matheson (the film is only one of the short stories contained in this book; highly recommended)
• Necroscope by Brian Lumley (really neat read; modern spy meets fantasty/vampire novel; definitely recommended)
• Bobcat and Other Stories by Rebecca Lee (sad but wonderful short stories; highly recommended)
• The Man Who Was Thursday by G.K. Chesterton (didn't really do it for me)

November

• Khai of Khem by Brain Lumley (bizarre interpretation of ancient Egypt; I usually love me some pseudoscience/pseudoarchaeology but this one just didn't do it for me)
• Fear and Loathing at Rolling Stone: The Essential Writings of Hunter S. Thompson (I love HST, and really enjoyed this retrospective of most of the pieces he wrote for Rolling Stone; highly recommended)
• To The Lighthouse by Virginia Woolfe (I really struggled with this one; not my cup of tea)
• The Laughing Policeman by Sjowall and Wahloo (I enjoyed this one; recommended)
• Seven Years in Tibet by Heinrich Harrer (I've never seen the film and really enjoyed this book)
• Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card (highly recommended; a fantastic read)

December 

• My Journey to Lhasa by Alexandra David-Neel (another fascinating book about travel in Tibet; a great read)
• A Nation Worth Ranting About by Rick Mercer (I love the Rick Mercer Report and love his rants; this is a must read for any Canadian)
• Great With Child: Letters to a Young Mother by Beth Ann Fennelly (I wish I had read this when all my friends were having their first child as it is a must read for any woman expecting her first child; it is just so lovely; highly recommended)
• The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky (really spoke to me and my generation; a must read; highly recommended - and another film I'll have to check out)
• Narcopolis by Jeet Thayil (Man Booker Prize selection; not your typical life in Bombay novel; serious readers only)
• 1982 by Jian Ghomeshi (I became a fan of "Q" when living in Vernon so decided to check out this novel; a not bad debut novel; a little repetitive so wouldn't recommend reading it all in one sitting as I did)
• The Voluntourist by Ken Budd (highly recommended; a great motivational read to end one year and begin the next)

I got a whole stack of books for Christmas, and a really promising list for our book club so it looks like 2013 will be another great year of reading. I've already started our January book club pick - Victor Hugo's Les Miserables - and have a Lovecraft compendium going on my Kobo. As always I'm always looking for recommendations so let me know what your best reads of 2012 are by commenting.

Biittner's Book Reviews: The Voluntourist by Ken Budd

I read this book at the recommendation of some dear friends of mine (we have an informal book club of sorts on facebook), and I am so glad that this book found its way into my bedside book pile. Simply, I loved it. The Voluntourist by Ken Budd follows the author's volunteer work, undertaken as a way to deal with some major life events (turning 40, the unexpected loss of his father, realizing he would not be a father himself). I found Budd's struggles to be extremely relate-able; it reminded me of where I was not too long ago facing a wide range of decisions at the end of my PhD program with motherhood being just one. His desire to find peace through giving back to others really resonated as well.  It was his soul-bearing honesty that really struck me, in particular his difficulties navigating in different cultures. As an Anthropologist I found it really refreshing when he writes about culture shock and the barriers in communication (both in terms of spoken language and in body language) he encountered. He is a great story teller, capturing the personalities of the people he met along the way in such simple yet insightful ways and constructing a strong sense of place. I found his story engaging, compelling, heartbreaking, and uplifting. I laughed out loud at certain parts (being shocked by all the mzungu is something I've experienced many times in Tanzania), and cried at others (the relationship between the grandfather and grandson in China is so beautiful). I would highly recommend this book. 

Biittner's Book Review: Three Men in a Boat (To Say Nothing of the Dog) by Jerome Jerome

A little late but better than never. November's book club pick, and our last book of the 2012 Bookies season, was "Three Men in a Boat (To Say Nothing of the Dog)" by Jerome Jerome. This is another pick from the 501 Must Read Book list that One Practical Woman and I have been slowly working our way through. The title only provides a hint as to how odd this little book would be. Essentially this book describes, in ridiculous detail, a trip down the Thames by three men and their dog (Montmorency, who is by far the best character in the book). I very quickly started to feel surprise that these men are even able to get out of bed in the morning never mind plan an outing on a boat. It is almost infuriating how incompetent and self-centered they are. That said, the whole book has a very satirical tone. It can be quite witty at times, and somehow manages to not feel dated, but the dryness of the humor would not necessarily translate well for everyone. It would make a great play as it has an almost Ionesco/Theatre of the Absurd feel to it. I would recommend this book but to people I think would appreciate the humor that can be found in the mundane.

We have made most of our picks for next year; I'll post these shortly. I will also (mid-December) post my list of books read in 2012 including those books I highly recommend. 

Biittner's Book Review: My Left Foot by Christy Brown

Another month, another book review. This is the second last book of this year's book club line up and the second autobiography/memoir. I was really looking forward to reading "My Left Foot" as I clearly remember watching the movie (and Daniel Day Lewis win an Oscar for Best Actor for his portrayal of Christy) when I was a kid (I was eight when the film came out). I've always admired authors (as someone who sucks at writing) and Christy's story really made a big impression on me. That's probably what I enjoyed the most about the book: I loved reading about Christy's journey learning how to write, how to be an author. The movie and book both cover his childhood and development as an artist quite well, his struggles with his identity, capabilities, and his cerebral palsy, but the book excels in highlighting the author's journey as an author. I love the circular nature of the book (when you get to read about him writing the numerous drafts that would eventually the first two chapters of the book your are reading) and the final pages are so powerful to this end. Christy's voice is so strong that it is hard to believe that he wasn't always a great writer. There is just so much to take away from this story; the more I think about it, the more I recollect like how crazy big his family was, or what a nasty, sharp sense of humor he has. I find it is similar to Jann Arden's memoirs (Falling Backwards) in how brutally honest and self reflexive/critical it is. It is a great read. I would highly recommend that you read the book and then treat yourself to the movie.

Life Happens, Literally!

It's been said that "life is what happens when you are busy making plans". For me, life is what happened when I was busy trying to not make plans. A couple of months back I wrote about facing decisions - a discussion of some of the decisions I was facing following the completion of my PhD and starting to look at planning for my future.

I decided at that time to trust my gut, to focus on breathing, and to not stress out about all the decisions I thought I had to make. I chose to move back home to be with my husband and my family, to not apply on jobs that would move me away from them, and to continue my full-time non-academic job while still pursuing any sessional teaching positions locally that my schedule could accommodate.

Another decision that had been made months prior to the post was that my husband and I wanted to start our family. I must admit that part of my anxiety over making decisions regarding my career had to do with my uncertainty over whether or not "the baby thing" would actually happen for us. Our decision to try to have a baby was largely based on our decision to stay in Edmonton near our families and where my husband has a stable, fulfilling career. I did not talk about this in that post because it was a sensitive, private issue for me at that time. Further, many other bloggers, far more articulate and talented than I, have already addressed the issues facing female academics today including especially the decision to, or to not, have kids, when it is "best" to try to fit a kid into your career path, and what are the impacts (both positive and negative) on those who chose to have children. These were all issues that ran through my head as I wrote that post on facing decisions, but was not willing, nor able, to address at that time. Now I can admit one question, in particular, stole my sleep: what if we are not able to have children and I'd passed up applying on a great tenure-track or permanent teaching position while in the process of "trying"?

Turns out I need not have worried. I'm pregnant.

So yup, it happened for us and so far everything is going well - both in terms of the pregnancy (another post on that later...maybe...) and in terms of my career. I just had a great Summer Term contract teaching a night class on cultural anthropology, and just started another contract for Fall Term for a world prehistory course that my non-teaching job schedule and due date accommodate. I've also secured a year-long distance education tutor position for this academic year that will help support us through my maternity leave.

I realize I'm lucky for so many reasons. I'm very content with how things worked out. I now only feel twinges of anxiety when a "perfect" job posting pops up in my inbox but no longer feel like I'm missing out on opportunities. Instead I'm excited about taking on the title I've chosen for myself for the next phase of my life: "Mommy & Academic-at-Large".

Besides, if I learned anything in grad school it is this - I can be extremely productive when sleep deprived.